Awake My Soul.

        When I compose these blogs, I feel as if I am writing to no one. But I don't mind if that is the case.  Turns out, I cannot sleep.  Shocker.  As I began to drift off to sleep (peacefully, I might add), I had a strange sort of dream (thought maybe? I don't know what you would call a falling asleep thought/dream).  Maybe I could consider it a thought because it was so abrupt and short, but I definitely didn't bring it on.  It was my subconscious.  Promise.  This has happened quite a few times in the past couple of weeks, actually.  I begin to fall asleep, and I suddenly awaken at the feeling and harsh realization that something that I once had, is no longer mine.  What's worse is that, in this dream, this something has become someone else's.  I'm no dream-interpreter, but, it seems to me like that is what I'm most afraid of right now.  It awakens me suddenly, and then moments later I find myself reading a book, listening to music, or on the Internet (always my last resort because it stimulates the brain and makes it more difficult to actually fall asleep, FACT), trying to find a way to fall back to sleep.  The Internet is where this reoccurring dream/thought has brought me tonight.  Like I stated earlier today, things will get better with time, and time takes time. Unfortunately. 
        Time is a tricky thing I guess.  I have a love-hate relationship with time, as does everyone, I would assume.  On occasion, I wish time would fly by so we can get to those moments in the day, week, month, or year that we most desire.  But if time were to fly as we wished it would, we would miss out on daily blessings from God.  God has blessed me with wonderful people and wonderful aspects of my life.  I think it's time to "seize the day" and enjoy each day for what it brings us, and not worry about the tomorrows.  Although, that's growing progressively harder to do with finals coming up.  I am constantly finding myself thinking about what I need to do, and if I have done everything possible to prepare myself for these exams and essays. 
        I'm also thinking about Christmas.  A lot.  And that's several tomorrows away.  But, I can't help it. I'm so excited :)  And when I get home (9 days 19 hours), I know I will be even more excited.  A bite in the air, Christmas decorations everywhere, and people in such a joyous mood.  As you can see, my mood has changed dramatically from the beginning of this blog to now.  It's a stream of consciousness.  I'm also listening to KOST 103.5. THE station for holiday music, 24/7.  It's the religious Christmas songs, that really get me thinking about the holiday season. The traditional songs are great and all, love them dearly.  But the religious songs, really get me thinking about the "reason for the season", if you will.  Jesus is the reason for the season, after all.  He is my Lord and Savior, and what Christmas is all about.
        Coming full-circle (perhaps?), I need to put my faith in God and trust that I go through daily trails and tribulations, not out of punishment, but out of blessing.  I am blessed to go through the daily struggle of whatever the day may throw me, to do what I am doing right this moment.  Which is, recognizing how blessed I truly am and how I really shouldn't upset myself over petty things, because, God has everything planned out for me, and He is in control.  And that is a blessing in itself.  For example, things we once had that we may lose possession of.  God creates these situations for us, because He knows what we need.  And these things that we have lost possession of, may come back to us one day, when the time is right.  He knows, and I trust in Him to guide me down the path He has chosen for me.  God is great, His love for us is beautiful. 

"Your love, God, took hold and held me fast.  When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up."  Psalm 94:18-19

         So, after this much needed therapeutic (and self-realization) blogging session, hopefully I'll be able to get some sleep now.  I have a math final in 6 hours for goodness sake!...and I wanted to wake-up early to get breakfast from the dining hall *sigh*.  Well, the sacrifices we must make to feed our hungry-selves in the morning...usually consist of sleep and creating a decent looking appearance.  Oh well, it's college right? Who wears makeup in college? :P


Goodnight blogesphere!