So, I literally just had this epiphany while I was putting on my facial mask in front of the mirror two seconds, and I knew I had to blog it:
Tell me why. Tell me why I've been holding on to the fact that I'm single again and interpreting as if it's a negative aspect of my life. Tell me why I felt like I needed someone else to make me feel like I was worth something. I DON'T. We are young. Heartache to heartache...just kidding. I'm not gonna quote Pat Benetar. Although I do enjoy that song. I'm single, so what? I have the rest of my life to spend with someone else. Why not enjoy being me and being single while I can? I have the opportunities to discover myself and discover my purpose. Being in a relationship right now, would honestly prevent me from self-discovery. So, who cares? All my single ladies, now put your hands up!
"This is a song for anyone
With a broken heart
This is a song for anyone
Who can't get out of bed
I'll do anything
To be happy
Oh cause blue skies are calling
But I know that it's hard
This is the last song
That I write
While still in love with you
This is the last song
That I write
While you're even on my mind
Cause it's time to leave
Those feelings behind
Oh cause blue skies are calling
But I know that it's hard
I don't think that it's the end
But I know we can't keep going
I don't think that it's the end
But I know we can't keep going
But blue skies are calling
Oh yeah blue skies are calling
Oh blue skies are calling
But I know that it's hard."
Cheers to the forgiving restart button.
I tried, I really did. I tried to keep you in my life because I wanted to, and heck I still do. But it's clear to me that you are slowly trying to cut me out. If it's your healing process, I respect that. But what I would have respected more, was you telling me. I can't read minds, ya know? So it kills me when I see you slowly removing me from your life. So, for my sake, I had to do it myself. Didn't want to, wish it didn't have to come to this, but it's time for me to heal. And since I love you, this healing process will be long. Here goes nothin'.
This evening, one of my favorite high school teachers was seriously injured in a motorcycle accident in which he was hit dead-on by a car in an intersection. He is currently in critical condition and in intensive care, suffering from head injuries and broken bones. If you are reading this, whoever you are, tonight I ask that you pray for him. Our beloved Mr. Rupp. A man who has survived so much hardship, and who I greatly admire for it. A man who has inspired me to better the future by getting a college education to make a difference. Mr. Rupp, I love you and I am praying for you. You are the strongest man I know, and you will fight the fight and no doubt come out a success. We love you.
Some days are more difficult than others. Most days are difficult. For the time being, anyway. It's hard to watch you move on. It has been for the past few months. I don't expect you to sit and wish that you and I were we, or that things were how they used to be. Life isn't meant to be lived in that manner, I know. But you seem to handle it so well, and that I envy. But often I wonder if you ever stop and think about it, as I do. I often wonder if I'm ever in your dreams, as you are in mine. I often wonder if the things you see remind you of me, as many of the things I see remind me of you. To me, you're everywhere. Some days are more difficult than others. Most days are difficult. For the time being, anyway.
Things will heal in time. But, to who I am addressing the blog to, I do miss you terribly and I just thought I would indirectly let you know.
"I hate the way you talk to me,
and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car,
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you're not around,
and the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you,
not even close,
not even a little bit,
not even at all."
