Nicest Thing.

"All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something"

The Holiday.

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."

Haunted.

You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
But I never thought I'd live to see it break

It's getting dark, and it's all too quiet
And I can't trust anything now
And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake

Oh, I'm holding my breath
Won't lose you again
Something's made your eyes go cold

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now, I'm haunted

Stood there and watched you walk away
From everything we had
But I still mean every word I said to you

He would try to take away my pain
And he just might make me smile
But the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead

Oh, I'm holding my breath
Won't see you again
Something keeps me holding on to nothing

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now, I'm haunted

I know, I know
I just know
You're not gone
You can't be gone, no

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
Won't finish what you started

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't go back, I'm haunted

You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
Never ever thought I'd see it break
Never thought I'd see it

Somebody To Love.

"I keep myself busy. Time goes faster that way. I go to sleep alone, and wake up alone. I take walks. I work until I'm tired. I watch the wind play with the trash that's been under the snow all winter. Everything seems simple until you think about it. Why is love intensified by absence?" - The Time Traveler's Wife

The First Cut Is The Deepest.

           Ugh. I miss you.

Gone Too Soon.

"Like A Comet
Blazing 'Cross The Evening Sky
Gone Too Soon

Like A Rainbow
Fading In The Twinkling Of An Eye
Gone Too Soon

Shiny And Sparkly
And Splendidly Bright
Here One Day
Gone One Night

Like The Loss Of Sunlight
On A Cloudy Afternoon
Gone Too Soon

Like A Castle
Built Upon A Sandy Beach
Gone Too Soon

Like A Perfect Flower
That Is Just Beyond Your Reach
Gone Too Soon

Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight
Here One Day
Gone One Night

Like A Sunset
Dying With The Rising Of The Moon
Gone Too Soon

Gone Too Soon."

Rest in peace, Mr. Rupp. We love you.

Girls Do What They Want.

"You should find yourself before you look for someone else." - T.T.

That's what friends are for. To say something that will completely sum up what you've been feeling and looking to do for months. 

Boys, Boys, Boys.

            It has become clear to me that the male species is becoming less and less attentive. Must be the season. Here's a note to all of my single ladies: Screw it. Embrace life. Sucks for them.

Dear You,

           You were on my mind all day today.  You're difficult to be without right now.  Valentines Day is coming up.  If that's not a big neon sign reminder of how much you mean to me, I don't know what else could be.  I wonder if you will be thinking of last Valentines Day like I will.  I still miss you.  I hope you're enjoying school.  I'm trying to.  I hope you're doing well, as always.

Love,
Me.

By Your Side.

"Why are you striving, these days?

Why are you trying, to earn grace?

Why are you crying?

Let me lift up your face,

Just don't turn away.

Why are you looking, for love?

Why are you still searching, as if I'm not enough?

To where will you go child,

Tell me, where will you run?

To where will you run?"

I don't need to look for love. He is right there, always by my side, there for me whenever I most need Him. God is always there, no matter what.

Take Me Or Leave Me.

“Be Who You Are and Say What You Feel Because Those Who Mind Don't Matter and Those Who Matter Don't Mind.” - Dr. Seuss

Tell Me Why.

          So, I literally just had this epiphany while I was putting on my facial mask in front of the mirror two seconds, and I knew I had to blog it:
         Tell me why. Tell me why I've been holding on to the fact that I'm single again and interpreting as if it's a negative aspect of my life.  Tell me why I felt like I needed someone else to make me feel like I was worth something. I DON'T.  We are young. Heartache to heartache...just kidding. I'm not gonna quote Pat Benetar. Although I do enjoy that song. I'm single, so what?  I have the rest of my life to spend with someone else.  Why not enjoy being me and being single while I can?  I have the opportunities to discover myself and discover my purpose.  Being in a relationship right now, would honestly prevent me from self-discovery.  So, who cares? All my single ladies, now put your hands up!

Today For You, Tomorrow For Me.

Blue Skies.

"This is a song for anyone
With a broken heart
This is a song for anyone
Who can't get out of bed

I'll do anything
To be happy
Oh cause blue skies are calling
But I know that it's hard

This is the last song
That I write
While still in love with you

This is the last song
That I write
While you're even on my mind

Cause it's time to leave
Those feelings behind
Oh cause blue skies are calling
But I know that it's hard

I don't think that it's the end
But I know we can't keep going
I don't think that it's the end
But I know we can't keep going

But blue skies are calling
Oh yeah blue skies are calling
Oh blue skies are calling
But I know that it's hard."


Cheers to the forgiving restart button.

King Of Anything.

           I tried, I really did.  I tried to keep you in my life because I wanted to, and heck I still do.  But it's clear to me that you are slowly trying to cut me out.  If it's your healing process, I respect that.  But what I would have respected more, was you telling me.  I can't read minds, ya know?  So it kills me when I see you slowly removing me from your life.  So, for my sake, I had to do it myself.  Didn't want to, wish it didn't have to come to this, but it's time for me to heal.  And since I love you, this healing process will be long.  Here goes nothin'.

Say A Prayer.

           This evening, one of my favorite high school teachers was seriously injured in a motorcycle accident in which he was hit dead-on by a car in an intersection.  He is currently in critical condition and in intensive care, suffering from head injuries and broken bones.  If you are reading this, whoever you are, tonight I ask that you pray for him.  Our beloved Mr. Rupp.  A man who has survived so much hardship, and who I greatly admire for it.  A man who has inspired me to better the future by getting a college education to make a difference.  Mr. Rupp, I love you and I am praying for you.  You are the strongest man I know, and you will fight the fight and no doubt come out a success.  We love you.

Rollercoaster of Love.

            Some days are more difficult than others.  Most days are difficult.  For the time being, anyway.  It's hard to watch you move on.  It has been for the past few months.  I don't expect you to sit and wish that you and I were we, or that things were how they used to be.  Life isn't meant to be lived in that manner, I know.  But you seem to handle it so well, and that I envy.  But often I wonder if you ever stop and think about it, as I do.  I often wonder if I'm ever in your dreams, as you are in mine.  I often wonder if the things you see remind you of me, as many of the things I see remind me of you.  To me, you're everywhere.  Some days are more difficult than others.  Most days are difficult.  For the time being, anyway.




Things will heal in time. But, to who I am addressing the blog to, I do miss you terribly and I just thought I would indirectly let you know. 

10 Things I Hate About You.

"I hate the way you talk to me,

and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car,

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots

and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

it even makes me rhyme. 


I hate the way you're always right, 

I hate it when you lie. 

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry. 

I hate it when you're not around, 

and the fact that you didn't call. 

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, 

not even close,

not even a little bit, 

not even at all." 

Sigh No More.

           Well, the time has come to return to school.  This, as one can easily imagine, brings about bittersweet feelings.  So much has happened over the course of the month I've been back at home.  Quite a bit of self-discovery and re-prioritizing has taken place.  It's odd what I've learned by being back at home, back to my roots.  It seems once you're brought back to your upbringing and your roots you're able to regain a sense of priority.  Turns out mine have been pretty screwed up.  Now, I can say that they are aligned to my preference as well as where they should be.  My past few blogs have been filled with things I will do no more of.  As of right now I'm not too sure what I will do to prevent said things from happening, but I am willing to try to fix them all.  
          I spent this last week at home with my family.  The majority of my friends had gone back to school but after having a discussion with important people in my life, I realized that family is where I need to be this week, and I was.  Tonight, for example, was better than I could have imagine.  My family and I sat and watched movies together.  I don't recall the last time we all sat together and watched something for an extended amount of time, without someone growing bored and taking their interests elsewhere for several minutes.  It was pleasant.  Something I took advantage of while I have been at home for the past someteen years of my life.  
        Going through all of the breakup crap that I went through, I looked to my friends and family for support.  After it happened the third time I figured they had grown tired of listening to my sob stories and how much I missed him and love him, ect.  Turns out I was incorrect.  These people in my life known as family and friends (the real friends) are always there for me, no matter what.  It was completely foolish of me to think that my friends would grow annoyed of my sad demeanor and complaining about things I had wished to be true.  They're not.  I still can't believe, for a split-second, I could think such a thing.  Family is something you will always have, no matter what.  These are the people that will be there for you, always.  Learn to build a strong relationship with them, because they are people in your life that should never give up on you.  As far as friends go, build strong relationships with them as well.  "Friends forever" isn't some girly nonsense term that is thrown around.  Find those friends in your life that that very term will apply to.  Unfortunately, I've also come across a few unfortunate happenings that might have damaged friendships as well.  With my ex, I'm not entirely sure what's going on anymore.  I just gonna go out on a limb here and say...I kinda ruined that.  Jealousy, yes.  The green monster.  So very unattractive.  A word of advice to all of you out there...don't make your jealousy known.  It's not endearing in the least, so I've learned.  It makes people want to stop talking to you.  Speaking of people who've decided to stop talking to you (forgive the rant, it'll just be moment), like I said in an early post: Make room for the people in your life who are willing to make room for you.  Sadly, even after years of friendship consisting of its highs and lows, things still find a way to not work themselves out. Whatevs.
        I've realized the many things I'm blessed with over the break.  It's sad that it took a month at home (4 months after I started school) to realize what I had.  Like they say, you don't know what you have until it's gone.  Or, several hundred miles away at least.  Heading back to school with a new attitude and a new appetite for life.  Happiness is a choice and I choose happiness.


Happy new semester! Best of luck!

Ain't No Mountain High Enough.

          No longer will one person be responsible for my happiness.  No longer will one person dictate whether I am to be happy or not. Only I can decide how happy I want to be. And that is what I shall do from now on.  Watch out world.